


Here our story begins

by junebug1234



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Family, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, can be seen as friendship or relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 04:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6549910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junebug1234/pseuds/junebug1234
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey feels like she's been trying to understand what home is her entire life. She doesn't expect it to be found in people. </p><p>Alternatively: Rey hates waiting - it's all she's ever done, but she thinks this is something that was worth the wait.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here our story begins

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick little story I wrote, un-betaed but I hope that it's not too incomprehensible!

Rey returns and sweeps Finn up in a hug. She thinks it feels something like home, but she’s not sure what home feels like.

 

Here’s her story.

 

Her story is about home, and what it means. She thinks its about learning about who you are. She is given a room when she returns to base. Poe brings her craft materials, and droid parts for her to fidget with. He helps create stores of rations because some habits die hard. Finn brings her flowers, and prints to hang on the wall. He helps her find new clothes and together they figure out how to project holopics.

The General smiles and says the house now feels like a home.

Rey thinks her whole life has been about finding home. She doesn’t think the room is it.

 

-

 

She finds Luke, that part is easy.

 

-

 

When she comes back, Finn grips her hand tight like he doesn’t want her to shake him off, like she’s the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground. Rey has met his pilot friend. She grips his hand a little tighter. Someone needs to keep their heads on the ground, and she can’t rely on the pilot. Even she feels the exhilaration of lifting off, the joy of the rush to lightspeed, the safety of control, the freedom of flying when she sees him smile. She thinks Poe Dameron is something inexplicable. He is kindness and wisdom and exuberance and joy in one body. She looks at him now, smiling gently at her as he ushers away some gawkers staring at them. He’s a melody and baseline, Rey thinks.

Rey learns about music from Chewbacca. There were rowdy songs on Jakku, sure, when travellers passed through they would set up camps. They would laugh and drink and Rey would never go near there because she struggled every day for a glimpse of the freedom these beings had, and here they were wasting their lives with rude words and crude gestures, gorging themselves on food she had to struggle for. Buying parts she slaved day in and out to get, and they picked up and tossed around like it was inconsequential. 

  
Chewbacca teaches her what real music is. What instruments there are in the galaxy, how some people like fast sounds, strong rhythms and deep bass, and others like the slow. Some like soft music, and some like it layered, complex and unique. She listens to music on the way to find Luke.

 

-

 

She finds Luke, that part is easy. It’s a long journey, but Rey has always been patient, even if she hates to wait.

 

-

 

Chewbacca listens to sad music. He stares out the viewports, through the transparasteel. Rey doesn’t know much about other beings. She’s been alone so long, she doesn’t understand how to really be normal. She does know that Chewbacca only seemed to trust and love one person completely. He was killed by his own son. She knows that Chewbacca was left behind.

  
She can understand being left behind.

 

 -

 

She finds Luke, and that part is easy. It’s a long journey, but Rey has always been patient. It’s infuriating to her to have to wait. Skywalker has made the galaxy wait long enough.

 

 -

 

Chewbacca listens to sad music, and stares out viewports, and Rey hears him sniffing once or twice. On the way back, with Luke, the music is more upbeat, all strings. Chewbacca says it’s because no hairy animals are often found on desert planets, and strings are made of animal hair pulled taut. Rey thinks its a strange reason to like strings. Luke says nothing, but Rey knows he’s been running this long. She’s not surprised he’s still running from his past. 

  
Finn listens to music that was recorded life, in a performance. He loves holorecorders full of audiences clapping and laughing, and music bursting through like it's alive.

  
“I like to see people express themselves,” Finn said to her. “I like not having to conform.”

  
Poe seems to like all sorts of music. He always smiles and listens to whatever someone else wants, and Rey thinks he probably knows the words to every song. He has yet to disappoint. He croons to Chewbacca’s sad songs, laughs and spits out words to Finn’s upbeat, fast songs. He sings little joke tunes and Rey saw the entire command staff working on paperwork one night, the General picking music and Poe singing softly to an old language of a planet destroyed.

  
But she thinks he likes the ones from his home the best, and she likes that about Poe. He doesn’t forget his roots, doesn’t forget who and what he loves. But he doesn’t look back, he finds new things to love along the way. 

  
Between him and Finn, Rey feels like she can leave Jakku behind. Between him and Finn, she thinks she understands family.

  
Rey takes to playing the songs that Poe seems to sway a bit to when he’s around, because Poe never ever asks for anything for himself. It makes her want to give him the world.

She plays the songs from his home, and he smiles at her, endlessly kind and warm, and holds out his hand. It’s an offer, always an offer, one she knows she can refuse.  
“Want to learn how to dance?” Poe asks. She takes his hand, and its her choice, and he never pushes her. He guides her around the floor, and murmurs steps and praise and Rey feels like it’s the closest to flying she’ll ever get without leaving the ground.

  
She thinks she loves those songs you can sway to, but only when Poe is around. She loves the upbeat songs with Finn because he adores movement free of restriction, and she dances goofy and wild with him. Poe spins her gracefully and she feels light. Poe makes her heart hurt with his gentle hands and warm smile, a quiet joy that makes her loosen, that makes her relax. Finn makes her face ache from smiling, laughter bursting from her, and limbs nearly uncontrollable.  
She never dances in public.

 

 -

 

She finds Luke, and that part is easy. It’s a long journey, but Rey has always been patient. It’s infuriating to her to have to wait. Skywalker has made the galaxy wait long enough. He looks at her when she finds him, and he makes her wait more. Rey just wants to see Finn.

 

 -

 

She doesn’t trust the Resistance, not really. She trusts them as a whole, but Rey has spent her life left behind and abandoned, struggling to eat. She eyes food given to her with suspicion, she dissects motives of people every time she is offered anything at all.

  
She sticks close to Finn, and Skywalker. She sticks close to the General, and she sticks close to Poe.

  
Finn is easy to be around, because he’s learning everything new, just like her. Skywalker is aggravating and interesting at once, teaching her how to control the Force and teaching her control. Rey always searches out Finn or Poe after, and they show her how not being in control doesn’t mean not having it. Finn brings her flowers from the forest, face guileless in his awe, admiration for both her and the flowers written plain across his face.

  
Finn is as hard to be around as he is easy, because he struggles every day. Rey selfishly wished everything would be fine when she returned, but Finn is having trouble adapting to a system where choices are routine, and mistakes are not severely punished. Finn sometimes wakes up and has to whisper his own name to himself to remind himself of his identity.

  
Finn struggles, and Rey struggles, because she may not know her family, but she knows her name, and how to choose what to eat. She doesn’t panic when people give her options, and she doesn’t know what to do when Finn does.

  
Poe is good with that kind of thing, because he knows to give Finn time, to give him space, and to not pressure him. He knows when to step in and make a choice for Finn, like the time in the breakfast line. A cook had offered Finn a choice, and he stood frozen. Poe’s hand slid warm across his back as he leaned in.

  
“He’ll take one, I’ll take the other.” He said warmly. “We’re going to split this morning. Half and half!” He exclaimed cheerfully. “Best of both worlds!” The cook smiled at him in the fondness that seemed to follow Poe around base, and Finn relaxed with a huge exhale. He tried both breakfast options, and the next time he was asked, he didn’t hesitate in choosing his favourite.

  
It makes Poe easy to be around, because he understands how to be quiet, and loud, and funny, and serious. It makes Poe hard to be around, because he knows so much, and Rey feels wholly inadequate around him.

 

 -

 

She finds Luke, and that part is easy. It’s a long journey, and its waiting, waiting, and more waiting after she meets Skywalker. He looks at her a long time when she reaches out to him, and fury bubbles in her chest because he won’t take the lightsaber, and he won’t listen to music from his home, and he won’t talk about Han, and Rey thinks he’s been running far too long.

 

 -

 

Rey shakes the anger when they land, and Luke shakes apart in his sister’s arms, and she realizes that his life hasn’t been easy. Sometimes, Rey knows, it’s hard to talk about things that scare you. Things that hurt.

  
She doesn’t talk about Kylo Ren, besides outlining her anger towards him. Luke asks her to banish the anger.

  
She doesn’t talk about how he brushed the corners of her mind, and it hurt to have him try to dig and steal her own thoughts. She doesn’t talk about the violation to something she never thought would be breached. She doesn't say how he tore her apart in the worst way possible.

  
She doesn’t talk about how she did it in return.

 

 -

 

She finds Luke, and that part is easy. It’s a long journey, and it's waiting, waiting, and more waiting after she meets Skywalker. He looks at her a long time when she reaches out to him, but he finally agrees to return with her.

  
“They blew up a planet,” he said wearily. “He’s destroyed so much.”

He makes her wait for an answer. Rey has waited her whole life and she thinks she is done with waiting. Nothing has been worth the wait so far.

 

 -

 

Poe, for all his kindness, and warmth, and joy, and light, has killed more people than anyone on base, she thinks. He didn’t lead the assault on Starkiller base alone, but he fired the shot that destroyed it. And from his logs in missions that she’s actually allowed to see, which aren’t very many, his kill count is higher than anyone else.

  
She looks at him, and wonders how such destruction can be held in hands that are so gentle when they guide her around a dance floor.

  
He sits next to her one day. Finn is on her other side.

  
“I wanted to be a pilot since I was a kid,” he says. She looks at him, and he smiles at her. He’s far enough away she has her own space, and she can push up and leave. He’s close enough she can easily move close to press against him. He careful and considerate in a way that he isn't even aware of. She feels like she could burst with adoration for him.

  
He leaves the sentence hanging. It will be something serious he says, she knows. He’s giving her a choice to let him continue, or to get him to stop.

  
Finn leans over.

  
“Go on.”

  
Rey feels a flash of pride for how far Finn's come.

  
“I used to want to fly planet to planet, and rescue injured animals. I loved wildlife when I grew up. There was practically a jungle in my backyard, and I would spend hours out there learning about the different animals and plants. I wanted to preserve that life.”

  
“Why did you join the Republic?” Finn asked.

  
“Because we have our plans, of what we want to do.” Poe said. “And all I never wanted to stray from that plan, but there’s good in this galaxy, and there’s people and creatures, and beings of all sorts that just want to live in peace. If I give my life to let even one person have a day where they can be happy, where they can live without worrying about war, then I’m going to do it.”

  
He smiles, and it’s a little sad.

  
Rey thinks she understands now. Poe hasn’t died in this fight, not yet. But he’s willing to lay his life on the line every single time he wakes up.

  
Rey dreams of a dark eyed little boy with wild curls that night. His eyes are kind, and he grows up so, so fast. He’s full of life and love. She sees his family behind him, people smiling, a village working, and a war ahead. He looks back, his eyes sad. A soldier sees the village too, but the little boy steps in front of them.

  
“No,” He says firmly. “You do not hurt them.” He stands with bare feet in the sand. He stands next to an ocean, with a jungle next to him, a village behind him, and war ahead.

  
The little boy built a house in the sand in front of an ocean.

  
The little boy picked up a knife, and cut into his palm. Fortified walls sprung up for every drop of blood that hit the ground.

  
The little boy looked at her. She could not see his family. They are hidden with the rest of the village behind walls. They are safe. They will not be harmed.

  
His eyes are so familiar, and his curls are so dark. 

  
“I will bleed dry to save you.” He says seriously.

  
She swallows. He smiles, and reaches out to her, but she wakes up.

  
Poe flies a mission the next day. It's in the middle of the night, and he leaves in less than ten hours. Rey walks down the halls to his room, opens the door and crawls into his bed next to him. His arms wind around her, and he wakes up briefly. He smiles at her, crooked and warm like the little boy in her dreams.

  
He drifts to sleep after making sure she’s okay.

  
She cries in his arm for the boy whose heart breaks with every life he takes, and every friend who dies, and she resolves to build walls for him as well.

  
He sacrifices a little bit of himself every day. Rey thinks she can work just a little bit harder to help him keep coming back to something worth fighting for.

 

 -

 

She finds Luke, and that part is easy. It’s a long journey, and its waiting, waiting, and more waiting after she meets Skywalker. He looks at her a long time when she reaches out to him, but he finally agrees to return with her. Chewbacca listens to sad music, and Finn listens to live recorded music. Poe listens to any type of music as long as people are happy. The General listens to lilting Alderaanian music. Finn makes choices, and Rey learns what sacrifice is.

 

 -

 

Finn has left physiotherapy and gone back to training. He doesn’t know what to offer the Resistance, because he doesn't know if he can fight. He’s never killed someone, and Rey can see that no one wants to put him in a position where he will have to.

  
But Finn says don’t make me a soldier, a number, a killing machine. Don't make me what they wanted me to be, and I’ll fight for you. Finn says he wants to be as far from the First Order as possible, but even Luke Skywalker admires him for turning time and time again to run directly at them to help save people. Finn asks for the Resistance to resist, and asks what he can do to help. Finn asks her to not leave him because he loves her and Poe, but he doesn’t know if he is brave enough to stay and fight without them.

  
Rey knows he is, knows that Finn will do what’s right time and time again even though he is scared, and even though he just wants to feel safe. She knows he understands that won’t happen until the First Order is destroyed.

  
Finn asks her to stay because he loves her and Poe, but he doesn’t know if he would be brave without them, and even he has learned to ignore the gnawing worry in his stomach every time Poe leaves on a mission. Finn never asks Poe to stay, because Poe was made to fly, even if he wasn’t made to hurt or kill. Poe was made to fly, and the cruelest thing Rey could imagine would be to tell Poe he was allowed to leave, but to show him how he hurts people when he does. 

  
Finn whispers to her and Poe in the dark about his days with the First Order. Poe tells them piece by piece what is wrong with how Finn was raised. He never says Finn is bad, that Finn is wrong. He says that he is lucky to know the two best people in the galaxy. He tells them he loves them. Poe once told them he doesn’t know how he deserves them. Finn thinks it’s probably the other way around.

  
Finn’s words give her nightmares, of a little boy with dark eyes and a sad face, shoved into conformity and dictated how to live. She dreams of a boy who shudders his way through training, but who shows promise. He stacks his armor at night sometimes, this boy, making a house.

  
The house is quiet, but Rey thinks it’s safe, that she could spill all her secrets and the boy and his house would collapse on itself before it allowed her words to be stolen.

  
The little boy looks at her, and there is a faceless mass of beings behind him, some are crying, some are screaming, they all need help. He looks at her, and smiles, a small, brave little thing. He stands up and hands her some bacta and a bandage. Her heart breaks that the boy knows what it's for, that he knows how to use it. 

  
“We need to help them,” he says. He looks scared, but determined. He looks like his heart is breaking with every cry of pain, but he won't let them suffer.

  
She follows the boy as he walks through hands reaching out for him, begging for his help. He turns to her, and sits down.

  
He asks everyone to make a line, and they do.

  
“We don’t have enough to treat everyone,” she says. She is right. The little boy looks at her, and gives her the sad, sad smile.

  
“It doesn’t mean we don’t try.” He whispers. “Will you help?”

  
She wakes up before she can say anything. She wakes up, and leaves to find Finn. She pushes him close to the wall, and lies next to him. She will barricade him from the rest of the world, even if it's just for right now. Even if it's just in this quiet Resistance base, the hum of machinery and life around them. 

She curls up next to him and cries for the little boy who was told he was only ever good for killing, and he couldn't even do that. 

 

 -

 

She finds Luke, and that part is easy. It’s a long journey, and its waiting, waiting, and more waiting after she meets Skywalker. He looks at her a long time when she reaches out to him, but he finally agrees to return with her. Chewbacca listens to sad music, and Finn listens to live recorded music. Poe listens to any type of music as long as people are happy. The General listens to lilting Alderaanian music. Finn makes choices, and Rey learns what sacrifice is. She learns what it means to not give up.

  
When they step off the Millenium Falcon, Rey doesn’t know the most important thing she will learn in the next two weeks is how to dance. She can dance silly with Finn, and she can dance gracefully with Poe. She thinks she may trust the Resistance enough soon to dance in front of them, but they are not yet her family. She learns, and understands, and matures. She understands why Luke disappeared. She learns she has spent years waiting for her family to return, but she doesn’t want to go back to Jakku and wait for them anymore. She has found a new family now that won't ever abandon her.

  
She looks at the General, and sees a toughness borne from necessity, and an iron will to protect, and she learns about determination and strength. She looks at Skywalker, who is learning to live again, who smiled and cried and broke apart in the arms of his sister, but who accepted help in putting himself back together again, and she learns about independence and family. She looks at Finn, and sees someone who was raised for a purpose he couldn’t serve, and who is trying desperately to learn what it means to be free. She looks at Finn and sees a survivor who is braver than anyone she has ever met, and she learns how to never to give up. She learns what bravery looks like. She looks at Poe, and sees ingrained goodness and love, and she learns how to do things for other people, she learns respect and laughter. She looks at them, all of them, and knows she will never be left behind again.

  
She thinks she knows what home means now though. It’s not her room, the one the General said was now a home. No, her home is in Finn’s smile, and Poe’s hugs. It’s in the freedom of space and solidity of the base. It’s in the thrilled beeps when BB-8 sees her and the gratefulness of Leia Organa when she holds her brother for the first time in years. It’s in Luke’s gentle guidance, and her confidence that these people she eats with and lives with have her back. It's the sound of her laughter, and the love of her family, the one she chose. 

  
A home isn’t a place, not to Rey.

 

-

  
She thinks it was worth the wait.


End file.
